Still attempting to start a new page…
Entry 2
I want to make it clear that the event above and the depression “Dark Night” that followed did not happen due to my pain over losing this man, my “partner”. It happened over my feeling that I had lost my Spirit ~it took a long time to realize that Spirit was with me every step of the way. It was about giving myself away… my own guilt and shame made me not only question my worth… but my mind took me to my worthlessness…
Unfortunately, I didn’t have money to rent a place and had to do what I never wanted to do, and I stayed with my daughter and her husband. I became deeply depressed and attended group meetings 5 days a week 5 hours a day at Marin General Hospital. The drive there from where the kids lived was a trek. I moved closer and rented a room from another Angel friend which made that commute easier. I went to those groups for 1½ years and insurance ran out. The last day of group was also the day I was to move from my friend’s room. I was homeless…
I did everything I could to figure out how to get into a shelter. I was quite ill and everything was a great effort. But I learned then how to get in, I needed to begin calling in the morning until someone answered, to see if we could get a bed in that night. We would kind of have a buddy system for whoever got through… their buddy could get on the same call… It didn’t take long before I got into a shelter where I was required to shower and was given their clothes (an ill fitting swimsuit) to wear. Bruiser and I had a bed in a regular house bedroom with 7 other women and was given a small locker. I was very popular because I had a car. We all had to leave during the day and we would go to a center where we could charge phones, eat lunch, go to a group, do projects… until it was time to go back… we had to leave at 7 & could come back at three. There were sign in and out requirements. Mostly everybody went to the smoking deck to “hang” and smoke many many cigarettes… I limited myself to 3 cigarettes a day,,,
BTW this shelter instead of being a one level house in not the greatest neighborhood to a 4 story shelter that serves many more homeless.
Loving You Always,
Yeshe ma🪷
Yeshema1@yeshesbaresoul.blog
Yeshesbaresoul.blog 
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